Call Girl of Cthulhu (2014) … Whores & the End of the World

What happens when virginal artist falls in love with a prostitute who has been chosen to be the bride of Cthulhu? Well, apparently you cause a lot of mayhem and try to stay away from lots of tentacles!! CALL GIRL OF CTHULHU could have easily been one of those films where the title was the best thing about the film, but writers Jimmy George and Chris LaMartina (LaMartina also directed) really dug deep to give viewers a fun and alternate look at Lovecraft’s Cthulhu mythos.

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The film begins with Detective Rita LaGrassi (Leanna Chamish) investigating a massacre at the Church of Starry Wisdom. Forty-three bodies were torn apart and there is no evidence of a weapon, motive, or even a sign of how it was accomplished. Even though the cops have no leads, their primary witness and suspect is Carter (David Phillip Carollo), who wrote a book about human sacrifices, alien gods, and whores giving birth to monsters. With no evidence to hold Carter, the police let him go.

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It seems Carter got mixed up with the wrong people. Being terminally shy, Carter decides to try his luck with a prostitute, Riley (Melissa O’Brien), but being the virginal nerd that he is, he falls in love with her. Unfortunately for them both, Sebastian Suydum (Dave Gamble), who has been planning for the return of the Elder God Cthulhu for decades, has targeted Riley to be the Elder’s bride in order to usher him into the world. There is another group who is fighting to prevent this from happening, but since each group is working according to their own agenda, who should Carter trust?

That’s right, this is the story of a boy, his whore, and a world-destroying monster.

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I had a great time with this film. There’s enough references to Lovecraft and his works to keep even the most die hard fan on their toes. We also get some great practical effects that for the most part work (yes, there are a few occasions where the effects look a bit laughable). The comedy elements are also nicely placed and never step on the toes of the horror elements. We also get lots of Lovecraftian-style horrors to linger at as well. Grotesque monsters, tentacled-things, and everything in between will satisfy the monster movie lover in you.

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Suydum eventually finds Riley and opens a metaphysical door so Cthulhu can impregnate her. But that was only step one. Now we get to watch as Riley transforms into a Cthulhu-like creature. This entire film is done for laughs and the writers and director get it right. When one of the characters yells the following:

“Find the whore and stop her before she fucks us into Armageddon!”

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You know this isn’t meant to be taken seriously. CALL GIRL OF CTHULHU is a lot of fun and has some solid performances and writing. The practical effects will have you grinning from ear to ear, and the ending has a great pay off. Don’t miss this one!!

My Summary:
Director: Chris LaMartina
Plot: 4 out of 5 stars
Gore: 6 out of 10 skulls
Zombie Mayhem: 0 out of 5 brains
Reviewed by Scott Shoyer
Stay Bloody!!!

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