Hell Hath No Fury (2006)
I really must stop putting movies into my queue so hastily!! I decided to see this one after I watched, and really enjoyed, Hanger. Hanger is directed by Ryan Nicholson and I noticed he was one of the four directors listed in the horror anthology Hell Hath No Fury. Damn what a mistake. Putting the low budget and low production values aside, this movie really fails in delivering what the title promises: Stories of pissed off women getting back at the males who wronged them. I love a good revenge flick; I was raised on a steady diet of Charles Bronson’s Death Wish flicks, Eastwood’s Dirty Harry movies, and films like Last House on the Left, House on the Edge of the Park, and of course I Spit on You Grave. (Note: The fourth Dirty Harry movie, Sudden Impact, basically steals the plot from I Spit on Your Grave). There’s nothing cooler than watching a pissed off chick taking revenge in an estrogen-induced power surge as she not only gets even against her scumbag male aggressors, but usually deals out a punishment that is way worse than what was done to her. I love it!! And that’s what I was hoping to see in this one. I mean come on; the title of the fucking movie is Hell Hath No Fury!! And for those of you who don’t know the entire quote here it is: “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” ‘Nuff said about the title.
So what do we actually get in this flick? Weak and annoying female characters taking passive-aggressive revenge on males. Some of the stories don’t even have a female taking revenge at all. I think the directors here missed the point of this movie; well, all except Ryan Nicholson (more on him later).
The movie opens up with an unattractive couple fooling around outside the chick’s house. He’s trying to talk his way into both her bedroom and her panties while she keeps telling him how she always gets screwed over by guys. This has some really bad, awkward dialogue that’s truly difficult to
listen too. So they end up screwing (surprise surprise) and as a joke she ties him to the bed after he falls asleep so he can’t do the “see your ass later” shuffle in the middle of the night. In the morning he wakes up and freaks out about being tied up. She tells him it was a joke and he just gets more and more pissed. If he just laughed it off she would’ve untied him and he’d have been on his way (possibly with a cup of coffee and some eggs in his belly). His anger was totally misplaced and he acted like a douche. So the chick goes into the next room to get some scissors and when she comes back we see the scissors were forcibly planted between her eyes. Wouldn’t ya know it … he was married and his wife was there doling out some revenge. Hohum. A very boring and predictable start to a pretty boring and predictable anthology.
The stories here use a lot of flashbacks, fast-forwards, and dreams that will leave you utterly confused as to what the hell is going on. At first you think this is just gonna be a series of loosely strung together scenes of chicks killing guys, and unfortunately that’s pretty much exactly what you get.
The first story is about a functionally retarded girl who houses the ghost of her dead brother inside of her. Everyone in town thinks she killer her brother, but the truth is far more disturbing … oops, did I say “disturbing”? I meant GAY. It’s a retarded story people. These two girls (who are clearly in their early 20’s) cut high school and run into the strange girl, Anna Lynn. They suddenly become caught up in a Scooby Doo-like murder where the girl’s brother was murdered by the fat neighbor who’d had enough of her picking his flowers. That’s right folks; the neighbor killed a guy over flowers. Stupid plot that’s about as creepy as eating dinner only to find out … you ran out of salt!!! Oh my god the horror. And remember, the anthology is suppose to be about female revenge right? Well in this story the female is more like a hollow shell being used by a male to take his revenge.
The second story is about a female cop who uses a post-hypnotic suggestion to make the guy who raped her kill himself. I didn’t know that hypnosis was part of the training you get at the police academy!! Although in fairness this has a pretty cool scene: As the guy is raping her he shoots her through the thigh and then screws the wound. Interesting. But again, the “female taking revenge” aspect of this story has no teeth. All she does is plant a post-hypnotic suggestion.
The third story is not just the worst in this anthology, but may be the
dumbest, most poorly executed story ever to be put on film. A guy with a really hot live-in girlfriend is visited by himself from the future … ONE DAY in the future. He’s there to tell his “current self” that his girlfriend is going to leave him because he’s a selfish, oafish douche. And then she leaves him. What the hell just happened here? No blood, no revenge, no gore. But we were lucky to get stupid dialogue and really horrible acting by Todd Hann. Not only do we get to see him act in one role but we get him in THREE roles as himself. Blech.
The fourth story, the one directed by Ryan Nicholson, is really the only one worth watching. A nurse (Deanna) is on her way to work when she is brutally raped. She is smart enough to get a load sample before she showers and falls asleep for like 12 hours. She is woken up by a guy breaking into her apartment to, apparently, rape her. Man she’s having a bad day. But she gets the upper hand and overcomes her attacker this time and ties him up and, as she slowly sinks into the loony bin, tortures the shit out of the guy. Now if you have ever seen a movie by Nicholson (Hanger, Gutterballs) you know he is a pretty extreme guy who often crosses the line between horror and porn. And if you’ve read any of my other reviews of his movies you know that as much as I do like his flicks I have a problem with the way he portrays women and with his seemingly misogynistic view of women. And this story is no different.
Nicholson didn’t write and direct this story just for this anthology. In 2004 Nicholson made a 47 minute flicked called Torched (the same name it’s given here). He then took that short film and simply edited it into Hell Hath No Fury. I’m glad he did; it’s really the only one worth seeing. We get Nicholson’s signature over-the-top violence and gore extremely well done. Here are the highlights of what we get to see: The captured rapists’ legs and balls torched with a blow torch (we see the flesh blister and fall off); the chick thrusting hypodermic needles through the head of the rapists’ cock; the chick hire a strung out male whore to ass rapes the rapist; the chick take a buzz saw to another guy; etc. Once again; family fun from Nicholson. The gore is well worth the price of this story, but there’s a lot of annoying shit going on here as well. The lead girl, Michelle Boback, isn’t that strong of an actress. She does a pretty good job up until she starts to loose her marbles; then she simply becomes a cackling nut-job that you’ll be laughing at and not sympathizing with.
There are also 2 plot twists that you will see coming a mile away although you’ll forgive him on this because the “twists” lead to some pretty bloody set-pieces. This is arguably the only “female revenge” story in this entire anthology, but you’ll find that due to Nicholson’s view of women Deanna is pretty inept at taking her revenge. Why can’t we get a strong female lead like Camille Keaton’s role of Jennifer in I Spit on Your Grave? Sure she was bat-shit-crazy, but she was completely in control and dished out her revenge in a cold, calculated way.
Other than fast-forwarding to Nicholson’s entry, Hell Hath No Fury is one you wanna stay away from. Poor storytelling and mixed messages will have you wanting to take revenge on the filmmakers here!! Skip it.
Directors: Rob Carpenter, Vince D’Amato, Ryan Nicholson, Peter Speers
Plot: 2 out of 5 stars
Gore: 7 out of 10 skulls (mainly due to Nicholson’s entry)
Zombie Mayhem: 0 out of 5 brains
Reviewed by Scott Shoyer